I can't watch pbs sober anymore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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