i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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