This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
