Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
