I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
