Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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