i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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