Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
