capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
