4 words: hood of his car
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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