Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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