New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
