Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
