Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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