I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
