Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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