2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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