i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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