Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
