I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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