so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
