I want to have your abortion
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
