everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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