i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
