you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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