Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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