im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
