I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
