is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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