Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
