was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
