I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
