she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
