"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
