and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
