I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
