just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
