Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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