In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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