You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
