We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
