this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
