my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
