I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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