Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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