He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
