you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
