Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
