"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
