i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
