I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
