i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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