I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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