you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
