my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
