Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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